Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Moral dilemna

So I've pondered this for a few days and I've decided to throw it out to the masses for a little constructive feedback and review.

We have been having a hard time at our house lately with Todd using the Lord's name in vain. And after spending time in his classroom (and virtually every other place on the planet), it isn't hard to figure out why. It is a word/phrase that is heard everywhere, by nearly every race, class, educational level, etc.

It isn't that Todd has ever said it meaning to, he just uses the phrase, "Oh, my ***" in the exact same context in which he repeatedly hears it. In fact, the other day at school (less than two weeks ago) when one of his friends used it, he said, "That's a bad word. You shouldn't say it." His little friend said, "Ms. Crocker, is that a bad word?" She looked at me quizically and said, "Well, it's not a bad word, but we probably shouldn't use it every day in the classroom." I think she could have explained it better than that without being a religious zealot, "Well, that is the name of the person some people worship. So, out of respect for them, we really shouldn't use it." But I suppose that she has the same general regard for the name as a seemingly large majority of others do.

So we've talked about it, we've read some stories in the friend about it. We've even tried to avoid using the replacement "Oh my gosh." We've offered altervatives (Cowabunga, Noodle, waka, waka, waka, etc.). But several times now it has slipped out unwittingly. Finally, last week I told him if I ever heard it again, I was going to wash his mouth out with soap.

Well, Monday, he was being a bugger, and I asked him something, to which he responded with the Lord's name. So I washed his mouth out with soap. He screamed and plead while I washed. Then I was just about in tears, too, at which point I scooped him up and held him. Then I discovered inopportunely, that he had drawn all over his new jeans with markers. So I sent him to his room none too kindly.

I did go up later and we had a long talk about why this issue has me so concerned. I told him that Heavenly Father's name has to be safe in our house, always. If his name isn't safe here, then the Holy Ghost won't want to stay. And if the spirit leaves, Mommy isn't a nice mommy, and no one else is nice either.

So, that's it in a nutshell. I've spent countless hours this week thinking about the whole situation and I've talked to a few friends about it. A few observations:

1. People don't view using the Lord's name in vain as wrong or bad. To many, it is just a word. It isn't malicious or said with ill intent. It has no more meaning than, "wow." It is said for anger, excitement, surprise, happiness, sadness, frustration. . . .
2. This isn't a commandment that Latter-day Saints have an exclusive use of. It's Biblical. It's one of the ten commandments. But that doesn't seem to matter.
3. We are required to show proper reverence for other religions and their chosen deities and prophets. We don't profane the name of Mohammed or Allah, nor would I want to.

So, what to do? How do you teach and show reverence when so few others do? I guess the answer is just in instilling a love for God that is deeper than the disrespect. Elder Packer has said, "I have long believed that the study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than talking about behavior will improve behavior." So that's my plan. I'll let you know how it goes.

3 comments:

dmorganfam said...

WE have had a problem with that a few times. Both times that I recall were after the kids had spent significant time around people who use the phrase a lot, very lightly, like you said. It took a while for the kids not to automatically say it and we tried to give them replacements. They caught on to the silly replacements and thought they were fun (I liked your ideas for replacements - cute ideas) but they still had some slip ups. It sounds like Todd is hearing it more regularly than my kids did, so it is more ingrained in his vocabulary. That is very unfortunate. My suggestion, and what I think helped us, is rather than punishing it (since he isnt doing it on purpose) to maybe have him pick a replacement phrase that he likes and then praise him when you hear him use it instead. Then after a while maybe that will get ingrained in him instead. Its a hard one to get away from. I have even picked it up when we are around a certain person who uses it a lot and start to use it then quickly catch myself. It is a stupid little phrase that gets stuck in your vocab!! Good Luck!! It sounds like you are doing a great job of being patient with him and trying to do what is best. You are a wonderful mother and this phase will pass, they always seem to feel like they never will though!

dmorganfam said...

Yikes that was long - sorry! feel free to edit or delete!! :)

Crystal said...

This is so hard. Bonnie came home from school once and said it, but after I talked her she hasn't said it again, so I'm lucky. I've tried the washing mouth out with soap thing, (with potty language) and it just didn't work for me. Hopefully it's a phase. You are a wonderful mom and Todd is lucky you're there to guide him!

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